16 January, 2022

Why I hated #KaladinStormblessed, & how he saves me every day! - @BrandSanderson #StormlightArchives #FictionSavesLives



My obsession with Brandon Sanderson's books is no secret. In May 2020, once the strict lockdown was lifted a bit, and Swiggy and Amazon started delivering again, I gifted myself the Mistborn Trilogy and haven't looked back. I have always believed that fiction, even Fantasy, can teach us a lot about ourselves and the world that we live in - only if you know how to look for it. The parallels between fiction and reality can be a whole series of its own. Today, I am here to talk about Kaladin, a character from Stormlight Archive series.

** If you have not read the series yet, or are in process of reading it, BE AWARE that there are spoilers for Stormlight Archive Series ahead. Proceed at your own discretion. **

Fan art by Tara Spruit Art


Kaladin is one of the main characters of the series and we are introduced to him as a slave in the beginning. We then learn a lot about his past and see him grow through the books. One thing that is undeniable about Kaladin is that he has a strong sense of honor and every little thing he does, he does it with and for honor. It often gets him into trouble and eventually places him in a position of trust, power and responsibility. Wherever he goes, he gains respect and 'followers'. Not because he is charming, he can be outright grumpy, trust me; but because of his sense of responsibility and honor.

That is such a great quality, you might say! But reading his portions in the book was toughest for me. I found his thoughts repetitive and annoying. The bottomline is always in lines of - 'I need to save everyone and/or I failed everyone.' It is all Kaladin thinks about - how he is a failure. Someone around him gets injured in a battle, it is his fault. God forbid someone around him actually goes and dies in a battle… he is unbearable after that. He continuously tortures himself over it and wonders why he gets to live when so many others die.

I remember literally shouting at him (at the book) at one point saying 'Stop being such a self-righteous ass. You are not God and not everyone and everything is your responsibility.'

I read Rhythm of War shortly before I started therapy after separating from my husband of almost 10 years. I was having trouble with ruminating thoughts and so I delved back into the series from the beginning. Stormlight Archive is huge in every way - size of the book, the size of the world it is set in, the intricacies of the world and the number of characters. It involved the reader in me in such a way, that anytime I wasn't working, I was immersed in the series helping me distract myself till I had the tools to help myself.

The series came up in my therapy session, as it did in every conversation I had in those days… And somehow as I was describing Kaladin to my therapist, I had that Eureka moment. I realised what my therapist was trying to tell me was almost same as what I kept telling Kaladin as I read Stormlight Archive. I had the same sense of honor that I bring into my life and work every day (you can definitely ask my clients and friends) and I felt responsible. Though our backstories and compulsions are different, I had been acting just like Kaladin in my own life. Feeling responsible for everyone around me - whether they wanted, needed or deserved it or not. I kept blaming myself for everything that did not go right while ignoring the sheer amount of responsibility I had put on myself and everything that I did right. Whether I realised it or not, I did not like what it was doing to me - the constant pressure I put on myself to do everything that isn't humanly possible for one person to handle - and that is why I did not like Kaladin, at all. It was like looking into a mirror and I did not like what I saw there.

We are so hard on ourselves, all the time. Trying to live up to the expectations of parents, family, friends, society and mostly the ones we put on ourselves. God forbid that we see ourselves as mere mortals with something called capacity and maybe as someone who can make mistakes. We beat ourselves down, before anyone else can tell us what we fear the most - that we are not enough. In case a friend feels that way, we are first to remind them that it is okay that they showed up and did their best. But do we say that to ourselves? No. We have empathy for those who we care for, yet, we do not offer ourselves the same.

In all fairness, (and with a new perspective now) Kaladin is a complex character. He has his backstory that will attest to it. The contradictions he feels and the choices he has to make aren't easy to deal with. But I just couldn't see it before. I found him to be a grumpy, nagging character who is just way too hard on himself and too blind to see that. When Kaladin finally spoke his fourth ideal after struggling with it for so long;

Knights Radiant Art
Knights Radiant

'I accept that there will be those I cannot protect.'


I cheered for him. Finally! And for me too, to be able to admit that not everything that went wrong was my fault.

Now, Kaladin saves me every day because every time I find myself feeling down, having doubts, or going back to old patterns, I tell myself what I would tell Kaladin -

'It is okay. You acted with honor and you did your best. Hold your head high and turn up for yourself as much as you turn up for others.'







1 comment:

  1. You have yourself a very profound and deep realization through this character. I completely agree that parallels between fiction and reality are vast and there are so many lessons that we learn, unconsciously sometimes. Superb write up.

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